¢0.02/daily
Set it and forget it.
SELECTPRICING THAT SCALES WITH YOUR GULLIBILITY
Choose the plan that chooses you
yakkity is free and open source. Unfortunately, our monetization consultant insisted we make this page.
$69/mo
For growing teams with mature needs and immature accounting.
SELECT$0/mo
Send your health physical and blood type. SSN highly recommended.*
SELECT$40,000,000,000,000
Includes a trip to the Virgin Islands to meet world-famous actors like Jeffrey Epstein, New York financier.†
CALL TREASURY* Please do not actually send us medical, financial, identity, or other personal information. There is nowhere to send it. This entire page is a joke.
Every feature you never asked for
| Feature | Free | Basic | Pro | Lifetime |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Resume coding-agent sessions | ✓ | ✓ | ✓ | Probably |
| Name my first son after your username | — | Middle name | First name | Full legal name |
| Virgin Islands celebrity meet-and-greet | Postcard | Travel brochure | One-way ferry | Jeffrey Epstein, New York financier† |
| First in on the YakkCoin pump and dump* | Exit liquidity | Discord access | Pre-pump alert | We tell you before the rug pull |
| Quarterly handwritten compliment | — | 1 | 4 | Unlimited* |
| Priority emotional support | Best effort | Business hours | 2 a.m. texts | I move in |
| Dedicated account manager | Ya Boy | That One Girl from 2016 | Me in a blazer | US Treasury |
| Uptime guarantee | No promises | 99% | 99.99% | Until the sun explodes |
| Free yakkity sticker | Shipping $80 | Digital only | Pending approval | Absolutely not |
* YakkCoin patent pending. Unlimited means four. † Lifetime experiences may be chronologically impossible. Enterprise means we forgot to add a fifth card.